Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Back to living on air... AGAIN!!

I tried... I really did. I took a job with Michael's Arts and Crafts... but no sooner did I start to settle in... I quit. I have major trouble working for a large corporation apparently. I was a good worker... you can put me on the cash register, restocking team, even full time in the custom framing department. I excelled in all of those positions... but I wasn't happy. Panic attacks set in as I left for work at 4:45am. I breathed through them... and MADE myself get passed them... but it only lasted a few hours. I can't continue to work at a place that gives me panic attacks and stress. It's not healthy.

In retrospect... I would probably still be working there if they hadn't scheduled me to work this Saturday, all day. In the few months I have been there I have never been scheduled to work a Saturday. Since I became 'full time' it is expected that I could be scheduled any 35 hours a week that suited the company. I made plans for this Saturday. Nothing that couldn't be changed, this time. I can't deal with the fact that Michael's 'owns' me and my schedule has to revolve around theirs. I know, I know, with so many people out of a job I should be happy to have any job at all. I get it. Besides, it's not like I have a life or anything. However, I can't get passed the panic attacks. This whole thing comes as a shock to me since I normally have no problems at all working 24/7.

I never used to be like that. I guess it's just all the garbage I've gone through these past years that make me like this. Or maybe it's that the trial is coming up. Or maybe because my birthday is friday. Whatever it is... I can't handle it, so I'm back to scraping enough money together every month to pay my bills and eat. Always a challenge.

Now that I'm back to being really dirt poor again... when did nail polish become so expensive?? I decided to buy some pink polish for my fingers and toes today, to cheer me up... but I couldn't justify the cost. $8.49???? Oh my!!! Certainly NOT in my budget!! Currently I am saving up to get a tooth fixed, so every penny counts! When you are on a shoe string budget it is such a shocker to see what you used to so frivolously spend your cash on. So tonight I will file my nails, apply oil to my cuticles and be happy with the 'au naturale' look. Pink piggies are no big deal.

So... what am I going to do now? I'm designing and sewing QUILTS!!! My first design is called Bye-Bye Boogie Man. As soon as I finish writing the directions the finished quilt, patterns and fabric kit will all be available on my etsy site. Look for it in about a week.

Bye Bye Boogie Man Quilt
on machine ready to be quilted

I'm still making charms... I just haven't had the time to photograph them and post (I'll have all the time in the world now). Not to mention a few surprises I have up my sleeve. So keep posted as I resume blogging!!!

Thank you to everyone inquiring about my safety the past few days. Irene came and went. Left me with a basement full of water and tons of debris littering my yard. I was lucky. Some of my neighbors had trees go down, docks destroyed, and boats swamped. See... being poor has it's advantages... I didn't have any of those things to worry about. My sump pump went in to action once the power came back on... and pumped out 3 to 4 feet of water in one day. This weekend I will pull everything out of the basement and wash it, dry it, or throw it out... then everything will be back to normal. At least in this house. Many of the surrounding areas still are without power... basements are still flooded... boardwalks destroyed. Michael's has been closed since Irene hit as has many stores since power has yet to be restored. We are all safe and dry. Thanks for asking!

And my book??? Whatever happened to my book plans??? To be honest I haven't written a word since I moved to this new house. If I had to guess... I think I didn't write because it made me sad... and I wanted to be happy in this new house. Well... things have changed a bit. Happiness isn't all it's cracked up to be... or rather, happiness is an illusion and I got caught up in it. So... I'll be back to writing on a daily basis... especially during the upcoming trial!

Keep safe! Be happy!


1 comment:

  1. We love you Deb!!!! Keep on going, we are all cheering for you!!!